I Want My Life That Is MINE!!!!

"I want my life that is mine!!" said Sayuri in the Memoirs of a Geisha.

World of women, that what Geisha life is, a totally world of women. A Geisha is allow to be pregnant by their client, if the baby is girl, that girl become a Geisha, if the baby is boy, he is going to kicked out, homeless. There is no place for man in the Geisha's house.

They cant listen to what their heart say because Geisha is created to spoil man ego who pay them high. They cant be in love with any man, they cant be free, its hard to have the life that is belongs to them. What about me?

Geisha, in that movie, wear a beautiful dress called kimono, a japanese traditional dress. And as we know, in india we have saree, a women clothes, a beautiful 5 meters ,material to wear. And start by this, people begin to compare which one is better, kimono or saree?

I like to see beautiful girl with their skill in a beautiful colourful dress. But alas, i dont have any saree, in the Memoirs of Geisha, there a scene when a Danna want to open Sayuri's kimono, and whats a suprising because Sayuri wear many many dress inside her kimono, it show me that its kinda tuff to wear and it'll be pretty hot.

So that, as for me, i prefer saree than kimono.

I still remember how i get my pink saree. I still remember how it smeel at the first time i receive that. It wa a gift that i never imagine before,,

I admiring India much, let say im dying, start from the meaning of my name i turn to interested in some of things of India such song, the language, the hinduisma, taj and wishing i cud wear indian dress even visit India someday.

Sometimes i watch Bollywood movie to learn their language and dance.

And one day i met an anjana (a stranger man) he is Indian in face, but im not sure. Then my friend and i bravely say hello to that man and i start to get close with that person.

He is an American professor, but he is originally from South India. After some times that we passed with talk and laugh, he told me, in a moment that he will go to his mothers place, Tamil for 2 weeks and they get to Bandung again and then continue his journey, come home to U.S "I really miss my wife, i miss mu daughter" that what he sais when his friend called him once,,oh so sweet.

Then i didnt wait i ask him, if maybe he cud buy me a saree from India.

I was busy with my score that day, when i receive a call
"Hello?" i said
"Hello! Hi Sundari, How are you?"
"Im fine, Sir"
"Sundari, can we meet now?in the usual place that we always meet?"
"Ya, sure"
"I'll be waiting for you in double helix coridor,OK?"
"OK, im going now".

I was wondering and also happy that he already come back from India, then we met and he gave me,,,

"Saree!!! Pink Saree!!" my heart scream out happy. its in a plastic, blue sky plastic. Im afraid to open it, i just hold it close to my body, and we begin our conversation.

Its a goodbye time. So sad, but he have to go.

I run, run and run to my prodi, there where i open the saree and try to suit it. Its a long long material, its fragrant, and my friends keep their eye on that try to touch, try to reach try to smell.

That time im very happy. Im very happy. Im very Happy. Im very Happy.

Thank You, Mr. Raj.

My daddy's patient

I dunno,,but i think maybe i have to write down my story.

It feels like a very long journey to knowing the truth that my heart always speak up..

When u look at my eyes, what do u see?
Is that the same like what u see 5 years ago?
Two years ago?
One year ago?

Is that the same eyes that screaming
And suffering from such a violence?

Is that the eyes that tell you innocently,,
Im not happy.

Being weird, being freak, being unique, being un-extraordinary
Alas,,a wrong way,,the lust that speak,,follows the step of what heart say,,

Bored of being bad, wanna change to good, but the way isnt easy,,

The begginig wasnt the middle,,the middle isnt the future,,

Climb high and drop off.

Shud i feel what i feel?
Shud i be a man completely?


Say that im hypocrit, i do.
Say im trying to be good, i do.
Say that im weird, i am.

Im not innocent, guys,,i always pretend to be good, while i dunno who me.
Do this and that because of you, not because of Lord!!

What do i want to do?
Walkin down step by step?
Be good and try appreciate myself?
Try to let me know that i may live and not anyone else who say,,

Try to achieve whatever little think that i done well,,

Hah?

The situation is even wrose since i dislike my study,,

My oh My lord,,
Thanks for a nice dad for a struggle mom.

What a patient daddy he is..

Aku Ingin Tetap Memelukmu

Sebenarnya,,ingin kutinggalkan saja engkau,,
Dengan segala keposesifan yang kupunya,,aku tidak mau bertahan
Dan menguras air mataku yang hampir tiap malam dadaku sesak dibuatnya

Kau tahu aku, kan?

Terkadang aku menoleh ke arahmu,,sungguh di hati ini yang ada iri
Namun daripada kuutarakan lebih baik kuberlari,,,
,,,,kudengarkan saja
Siapa dan apa yang telah sesungguhnya kau lakukan

Seberat itu?
Sekuat itu?
Setabah itukah?

Jika aku suka berbohong, maka kau berpura-pura?
Apa yang kau rasa?apa yang kau hadapi?

Kau!
Kau!
Kau! Boleh kubilang satu kata?
Aku benci kau!
Sok kuat!
Aku benci kau!
Kau yang berada di atas cemara natal, bintangnya,,bintang daudnya,,
Dan aku,,ranting-ranting cemara hijau,,

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tapi kau pernah memelukku erat,,
Erat,,
Dan kau merajuk saat ku tiada
Kau marah saat kupergi,,
Kau juga benci
Kau juga ragu
Kau juga kecewa

Namun kau membungkusnya
Karena?
Karena,,betapa dewasanya dirimu,,

Jalan ini,,tidakkah terlihat berbeda di matamu?
Belati yang sengaja saja kusimpan di leherku,,
Kau benar, kan?
Akan akhir yang kupilih,,

Aku tak sanggup mendengar namamu,,
Ingin aku menjauh darimu,,
Biarkan saja,,ini fatamorgana, iya, kan?

Bukankah hidup adalah panggung sandiwara?

Tapi haruskah?
Haruskah ini yang kupilih?

Tapi aku tahu apa yang kau rasa
Kau yang sering meminta,,

Tapi aku tahu,,
Aku tidak mau mati sia-sia,,

Aku tidak mau peduli ,,

Aku tidak ingin peduli lagi,,

Aku hanya ingin memelukmu,,

Tetap memelukmu,,

Aku Ingin Tetap Memelukmu

Sebenarnya,,ingin kutinggalkan saja engkau,,
Dengan segala keposesifan yang kupunya,,aku tidak mau bertahan
Dan menguras air mataku yang hampir tiap malam dadaku sesak dibuatnya

Kau tahu aku, kan?

Terkadang aku menoleh ke arahmu,,sungguh di hati ini yang ada iri
Namun daripada kuutarakan lebih baik kuberlari,,,
,,,,kudengarkan saja
Siapa dan apa yang telah sesungguhnya kau lakukan

Seberat itu?
Sekuat itu?
Setabah itukah?

Jika aku suka berbohong, maka kau berpura-pura?
Apa yang kau rasa?apa yang kau hadapi?

Kau!
Kau!
Kau! Boleh kubilang satu kata?
Aku benci kau!
Sok kuat!
Aku benci kau!
Kau yang berada di atas cemara natal, bintangnya,,bintang daudnya,,
Dan aku,,ranting-ranting cemara hijau,,

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tapi kau pernah memelukku erat,,
Erat,,
Dan kau merajuk saat ku tiada
Kau marah saat kupergi,,
Kau juga benci
Kau juga ragu
Kau juga kecewa

Namun kau membungkusnya
Karena?
Karena,,betapa dewasanya dirimu,,

Jalan ini,,tidakkah terlihat berbeda di matamu?
Belati yang sengaja saja kusimpan di leherku,,
Kau benar, kan?
Akan akhir yang kupilih,,

Aku tak sanggup mendengar namamu,,
Ingin aku menjauh darimu,,
Biarkan saja,,ini fatamorgana, iya, kan?

Bukankah hidup adalah panggung sandiwara?

Tapi haruskah?
Haruskah ini yang kupilih?

Tapi aku tahu apa yang kau rasa
Kau yang sering meminta,,

Tapi aku tahu,,
Aku tidak mau mati sia-sia,,

Aku tidak mau peduli ,,

Aku tidak ingin peduli lagi,,

Aku hanya ingin memelukmu,,

Tetap memelukmu,,